Once upon a time...

My_story

Long long ago, so long ago, when nobody knew how long ago, there was a young nubile girl called Lakshmi, caught in dreams of becoming...oh well, I might as well say it in my own style !  Terri, here is the story you had asked for !

Why and how I came to take up chemistry, and stopped with a couple of masters instead of going all the way to a Ph.D is a different long story by itself, that I shall reserve for another rainy day.

Soon after my second masters degree in chemistry, I got a job as quality control chemist in a company called "Nabi Pharmaceuticals", in Maryland.  But as luck would have it, exactly 2 months into my job, there was major downsizing of rthe company and I found myself without a job, a poor bank balance and an F1-EAD Visa expiration menacingly close.  As a stop gap arrangement, I helped my cousin, who had a small R&D company in VA, with some editorial work, just to gain some experience on my resume, and to keep my brain from getting fried with worries of job hunting. 

As editor, I was required to proof read research proposals written by other (junior) employees of the company, and I learnt a very valuable lesson.  Many young educated people, who were seemingly good in conversation, could not write good English.  And writing proposals was definitely not their forte.  This included Americans, Europeans, Asians and all in between. In the process of correcting proposals, I ended up writing them completely afresh.  The cousin and his partner were impressed and gave me a steady supply of documents to re-write.  And soon I had started writing fresh proposals myself. 

But by this time, I had landed another job with Fuisz Technologies Ltd., VA, as a Quality Analyst (with promises of being shifted to the research division, soon).  And since I enjoyed the writing work, I continued with it in my spare time.

And then the most unbelievable thing happened !  Fuisz downsized !  And laid me off.  That was my second layoff in six months.  It affected me emotionally, and I spun into uncontrollable depression.  Alone, in alien land, with depression is not really a great situation to be in.  With my visa expiring in a month, I was disgusted and pained. I returned to India, vastly disillusioned with America, and with the lowest self esteem I could ever have.

I joined a small publishing firm as editor, but could not quite see eye-to-eye with the boss.  Hence quit in a couple of months.  But by then, the cousin and his partner were ready to have me on-board their company.  At this time, I was in no mood to return to the US, as I was just recovering from the colossal depression I had spiraled into, and did not want to risk a relapse.  Which suited them just fine.  As my job was only to edit and write, I could be anywhere, and all I required was a computer with internet , and access to journals and research papers.  The former, I could buy, the latter I already had due to my earlier association with IIT as student. And the cousin and partner were spared the hassle of doing my visa and defending my presence (that I was there not because of relationships but because I was GOOD) to other employees in the company.

The first year was spent taking tentative steps, and testing the waters.  When a proposal I wrote for the company got funded by NSF in the second year, all depressions, low self esteem and doubts cleared like mist in sunshine.  And then there was no looking back.

For seven years I have written proposals for the company.  Not all of them get funded,  in fact, the funding rate is only 2%.  But when even one proposal gets funded, I have done my bit for the company. 

I love the job.  I love the adrenalin rush before a deadline.  The frustration that comes out of not getting an "idea" to write about.  The feel of an idea slowly taking shape.  The faltering paragraphs that grow little by little until they weave together as if by magic into a full proposal.  Even the disappointment when the results are out, and mine has not made it.  But to eclipse the disappointment, the joy when I hear that one of "My" proposals has been funded is, trust me, nothing short of orgasmic !  A triumph to my science AND writing skill.

And as they say all that's well, ends well.  I landed a husband who truly understands and appreciates my work (as I do his), and a daughter whom, I breast fed while writing proposals, and who now knows that when it is deadline time, she had better not come into my line of vision, lest she be fried in mommy's frustration of not getting an idea !